1. Nonbinary is not simply a third gender.
When you think of the term “nonbinary,” does it evoke a specific image? Or do you visualize a spectrum of “looks” and identities? It is commonly thought that being nonbinary refers to a “third” gender to list alongside “man” or “woman.” In fact, nonbinary is an umbrella term that includes many different identities and experiences. (Still, some people do use the term as a gender identity in itself.) What I love most about the nonbinary umbrella is that it offers us numerous possibilities for gender identity, presentation, and roles beyond the two options most of us are assigned at birth. It encourages us to ask questions rather than assume, and to break free of the idea that there are only two ways to perform gender in the world.
2. Nonbinary identities are not new, though the term might be.
Nonbinary identities have existed in many cultures and places across time. In fact, the gender binary that we know today developed in the context of colonialism and white supremacy, as a way to enforce those systems. For more information on how the binary came to be, check out this book report by Alok Vaid-Menon on Dr. Kyla Schuller’s book The Biopolitics of Feeling: Race, Sex, and Science in the Nineteenth Century. From muxes in Zapotec communities to Sekhet people in ancient Egypt, there are many historical examples of people living beyond the gender binary. Check out this resource from Out & Equal and this video from Safe Space for more examples!
3. Not all nonbinary people use they/them pronouns.
Pronouns don’t equal gender, and nonbinary folks use a variety of pronouns. Some individuals might also use multiple pronouns, like she/they or they/he, and ask that you alternate between them. If you want to get some practice using a diversity of pronouns, check out Them’s Guide to Practicing Gender-Neutral Pronouns. While it may feel challenging at first, this is a great way to flex your gender-affirming muscles! It is good practice to share your pronouns when introducing yourself, which invites others to do the same.
4. Nonbinary people may identify with terms beyond just “nonbinary.”
Just like with pronouns, nonbinary people use lots of different words to describe ourselves. For example, a nonbinary person may also identify as Two-Spirit (a term reserved exclusively for Native folks), butch, genderqueer, bigender, demiboy or demigirl. These terms can further clarify how someone perceives their identity and/or presentation, as well as historical or community roles they may take on. Also, nonbinary people might use traditionally gendered terms like Queen, King, girl or boy to refer to themselves, and some may not. It’s cool to check in about whether someone is comfortable with certain titles, nicknames, or terms of endearment before using them.
5. Some nonbinary people also identify as Trans, and some do not.
Though we can think of both Trans and nonbinary identities as expanding our concepts of gender, they are not exactly the same. Many nonbinary people identify with Trans identity and/or as part of the Trans community, while others do not. Still, it is important to note the historic solidarity between Trans, nonbinary, and other gender non-conforming folks. As always, the best bet is to reflect the language people use for themselves back to them and avoid making assumptions about how they identify.
I hope from this article you have learned something new about nonbinary identities and feel more confident to practice with gender-expansive language. For more information, visit The Trevor Project’s page on Understanding Gender Identities. PFLAG also has some great and relevant resources compiled, from books and articles to webinars. Happy exploring!
