You’ve been in a relationship for some time now and your sexual experiences with your partner are becoming habitual and predictable. You find yourself wanting to experience something new with your partner and you have an inkling of what you’d like to try. You’ll be introducing something new, potentially unconventional, into the relationship. When referring to non-traditional sex activities, practices, or desires, “kink” is the umbrella term used. There are varying categories and degrees of kink, all requiring efficient communication, boundaries, and mutual respect in order to facilitate pleasure. This will be a new sexual experience for both of you but you’re hesitant because you’re unsure of how your partner will react to something new. How will they respond to the idea? Will they be into it? Am I sending the wrong message that I want more than them or that our sex life is not satisfying me? How do I approach this?
The first thing I’d like to say here is…communication is key! You’ve heard it a million times before, and it always proves true. The first step when introducing something new into your relationship, particularly concerning sex, is to discuss what you’d like to introduce. In a time when you are both calm and relaxed, begin to share your thoughts. Take baby steps. Explore the thoughts with your partner. Inquire about their opinions and thoughts as well. Share the vulnerability you’re feeling even conducting the conversation with your partner. This typically encourages a posture of empathy which will likely increase the productivity and span of the conversation. Be specific in your interests so your partner can more fully understand your desires. Let’s say you’re interested in partner toy play. To adequately communicate this to your partner, you could present the general idea of partner toy play and then share specifics about the fantasy. Utilize mental imagery to share which toys you’d like the two of you to experiment with and how you’d like to experiment with them. While sharing, check in with your partner so they can contribute their thoughts and desires to the proposition. Start easy while exploring outside of your regular sexual routine. Begin with experimentations such as variations in pressure when touched or squeezed, varying speeds of intimacy when kissing or touching, or initiating a quest to elicit new erotic responses. It’s very important to ensure that both parties are in agreement when introducing kink into an established relationship. Be mindful of the strategy you two decide upon but don’t take the experience itself too seriously. If something funny or wacky happens during the intimacy, share a laugh together. Of paramount importance when introducing kink into your relationship is the foundation of caring and respect, the ambition to move toward new experiences, and the anticipation of achieving greater sexual satisfaction and the revival of sexual excitement in long-term relationships.
